Guest Blogger KT: Thoughts on Dating

KT wisdom:

In the last month or so I have finally been able to articulate my ideas of some of the key differences in the way men and women operate in dating.

Women
For me, and for many women I know, my interest in specific men is very responsive. Much of my interest is influenced by (a) who spends time with me and invests in getting to know me, as well as (b) who demonstrates attraction / interest in me. The fact is, I may see a man that attracts me significantly, but it is the man who is coming around, who is calling me, who is taking an interest in me specifically, that I am giving my attention to, and who I am considering. I may not have interest initially, but I warm to him as he makes himself a part of my world. In the end, my dealbreakers may surface and the relationship may end, but when a man invests in me and my life, I will almost always start looking at him as a possibility. And so, I would say that for women, the key question is, "Who is in my world?" That is her answer of who she is more likely to develop significant interest in. I do not say that is who she is more likely to date, but it's who SHE, the woman, is more likely to develop attachment to.


What I take from this
A man should not be surprised if the women he spends time with want to date him. Even if up front a woman does not show any interest in him, she will warm to him (how much, how seriously, varies, but she will warm). I know it's not risky for him to hang out with girls platonically, but it is definitely risky for the women. Also, after a breakup, he really does need to remove himself from his ex-girlfriend's world so that she can move on. For women, it means we have to be much more cautious about who we give our time to. We have to recognize that if we don't want to date a man, we really shouldn't give him the time of day. Or, if we decide to give him a chance, we need to recognize and accept that we may change our minds, which I think can be a good thing, too :) And women need to cut the cord with the men they break up with or know it's not going anywhere with. Keeping them in your world is not going to help you find someone else.

Men
Men, on the other hand, have an interesting phenomenon from the very beginning. After a certain amount of exposure (and it doesn't take much), they know definitively whether or not a woman is in their list of "eligible" women to date. And what I mean is, all women are either eligible or ineligible. Ineligible meaning that they are an unequivocable "NO" and that there is nothing that the woman (or the man, for that matter) can do to make her eligible. A woman who is not on the man's list of eligible women, can flirt, can encourage, can even have a brilliant connection with a man, but he will not consider her with serious interest. He may even date her or marry her, but usually he will drop her before she can wear him down to that point. He may even acknowledge to himself that this woman would be a great fit "on paper" - but she is not in the eligible group and so she will never really have a hold on him.

It is important to note that eligibility is not purely driven by appearance. In fact, men cannot really give a rationale for why one woman is and another isn't. They feel very awkward and don't know how to explain it, but they know that it is true. No amount of exposure or bonding with a woman can change her categorization - which women have a particularly hard time understanding, being that we are the complete opposite. Women cannot understand how a man, after getting to know us and being quite intimate with us, can still have absolutely no interest.

However, just because a woman is on the eligible list, it doesn't mean that she is a shoe-in. But it does mean that this is where she can act - with a very good chance of results. When a woman is eligible, it means that she is "datable" - she is someone to whom the man will be responsive, in the way that women are more generally responsive. If she flirts, encourages, banters, and pays attention to him, she is not wasting her time. He may not respond (for a variety of reasons), but she is not wasting her time like she is with a man for whom she is not eligible.

I have noticed that for a man, those (eligible) women who are encouraging and flirting and attentive seem to "rise in the queue" in his mind and interest - they are the ones that he is thinking about and focusing on. So it is key for a woman to be very responsive if she is interested. A woman may be eligible for a man, but if she isn't doing anything, he will end up paying his attention to someone else who is.

What I take from this
To me, this is really a relief - I at least feel like I know what I have control over and what I don't have control over. All I have to do is identify which men I am eligible for, and those are the ones I need to invest in and encourage. I find it very satisfying when I can tell I am of interest to a man (sometimes I have significant interest also, sometimes I don't, but it's always satisfying to know!) and I try to be more philsophical about the men whose list I am not on. I always assume I am not eligible for men who give me no signals. It can be somewhat discouraging if I'm not really feeling like I am on anyone's list, but I find it comforting that at least I am not wasting my time on them.

Also, what this means to me is that it is ridiculous for me to hang out a lot with a man hoping that he will come around and fall for me. If he hasn't already, then it's most likely I am not eligible and never will be. Basically, I am the one at risk because I will probably fall for him as he continues to be in my world - and yet I will never get any results.

So I'm interested to hear what you think - if this rings true to you. It makes sense with my experiences in dating and from what I've observed from my male friends.

Jess Berry Quote of The Day!

You will have significant experiences. I hope that you will write them down and keep a record of them, that you will read them from time to time and refresh your memory of those meaningful and significant things. Some may be funny. Some may be significant only to you. Some of them may be sacred and quietly beautiful. Some may build one upon another until they represent a lifetime of special experience.

President Gordon B. Hinckley

Jess Berry Quote of The Day!

The object of our prayers should not be to present a wish list or a series of requests but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is eager to bestow, according to His will and timing. Every sincere prayer is heard and answered by our Heavenly Father, but the answers we receive may not be what we expect or come to us when we want or in the way we anticipate.

David A. Bednar, "Ask in Faith," Ensign, May 2008, 97

Jess Berry Quote of The Day!

It is work that spells the difference in life. It is stretching our minds and utilizing the skills of our hands that lift us from mediocrity.

Gordon B. Hinckley

Closet Yankees Fan Emerges Into The Light--FINALLY!

Finally the Brooke Trout is caught. She's secretly loved the Yankees for decades and after being caught wrapped in the Yank Blanket Friday night she's decided to come clean. Welcome aboard the winning train BT!

Evidence: (Exhibit A) Tampering with Evidence.

Evidence: (Exhibit B) Can't contain the joy! That smile speaks volumes. Evidence: (Exhibit C) Classic Yankee Fan behavior, embracing others into the fold of the Yanks with love and pure excitement!

Friday Morning With SJ!

What is a better way to wake up and start your morning than Wheaties?
Answer: SJ on her blessed birthday. ;)

I pulled out the big guns for the special morning and wore the "golf" socks for breakfast.

Jess Berry Quote of The Day!

Man radiates what he is, and that radiation affects to a greater of lesser degree every person who comes within that radiation.

David O. McKay

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SJ: What A Great Gal To Aspire To!

What a blessed day it is that SJ was born this day! Stylish, classy, intelligent, giving, and patient are all (but not limited to these) qualities that SJ possesses! A wonderful person to have in your corner, in the good and in the bad!

Happy Birthday SJ! I heart you!

Jess Berry Quote of The Day!

I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone, nor to yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead, we remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives. So a more theological way to talk about Lot’s wife is to say that she did not have faith. She doubted the Lord’s ability to give her something better than she already had. Apparently she thought—fatally, as it turned out—that nothing that lay ahead could possibly be as good as those moments she was leaving behind.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

See complete speech here.

Jess Berry Quote of The Day!

When we treat man as he is, we make him worse than he is; when we treat him as if he already were what he could potentially be, we make him what he should be.

Goethe

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARRRRR!!!

I just love Adam. He is like a brother to me and so when he teases me or smarts off he gets the same bear-hug, headlock (when sitting down, he's just too tall) treatment! Look at the face of terror, oh I mean joy! Adam has become a great friend, we empathize with each other on matters of the heart that others might not get, Adam always has a quick, witty comment ready. I think he rather enjoys hearing recaps of the floater life I lead and I enjoy his stalwart manner! AR is as D&C 128:25 states a "humble servant and never deviating friend". Happy Birthday, you are finally old!

Parents Come To The Bay

Papa and Mama Berry came to town last week! We had such a great weekend! It started off with slight panic by all (driving in downtown SF...hehe) but quickly became great. Friday we spent the day in the City, I took my parents to H&M (I know really exciting for my Dad) and we did some other shopping as well that resulted in me purchasing my FIRST ever high heels! Now please note that for an average girl in her mid-twenties this is EXTREMELY shocking but for me finding a pair of high heels that are cute and that I am able to walk in without breaking the only good leg I've got is HUGE!

We of course had hot fudge sundaes...it is a MUST when Ron Berry comes to town! PS: I took this photo to capture real-life in the day of oil-tycoon/Bishop Berry, always on that phone. ;)

Friday evening we went to WICKED!!!!! It was AMAZING!!! I highly recommend seeing it if you haven't already. It was beautiful, funny, and all around wonderful.

My Dad even liked it!!! Thanks for taking us Daddio!

Dad and I waiting for Caltrain. Yes, I made my parents take Caltrain to the Giants game. I wanted them to experience life as a local. Hehehe...standing room only on the train...not my brightest idea.
Please ignore Mom and I in this photo and concentrate on the fellow behind us waiting for the train, in particular the white hat and the RED belt! Classic! All found at our very own California Ave Caltrain station.
The Bay from AT&T Park.
Saturday we went to the SF Giants game. We had pretty great seats! We sat in the Chevron Club Suite above home plate. The great perks of having the folks visiting! It was a good defensive game that the D-Backs took in the 9th. A beautiful day for baseball!

Papa and Mama Berry with their FAVORITE daughter! ;)

Thanks for coming! It is always great to see and spend with you! Love you both! Even if you park my car illegally in SF, Daddio! ;)

Jess Berry Quote of The Day!

When men speak ill of thee, live so that nobody will believe them.

Plato

Inner Workings Of The Stanford Sophomore Mind Part 3

Ten Goals for My Next Ten Years
By: Guest Blogger: Stanford Sophomore

I entered a new decade of my life this past month. In true family form, I decided to write down a list of goals I should work on these next ten years. I promise you on my grandmother's rolls, (which are delicious and definitely quite sacred in our family), the first thing that came to my mind was:

1. Do not get a tattoo

Where did that come from??? Believe me that is definitely not in the books. To explain, I've told my mother I want to cut my hair short. She replied, "Do Not Cut Your Hair Short." I asked, "Can I cut it short when I'm older?" She replied, "If you do, I'll come back and haunt you." I don't want to know what she would do if I got a tattoo.

Here are my other goals:

2. Choose to dance

3. Write more on paper, read more on paper

4. Appreciate the flowers in life

5. Run wild and strong

6. Find/join/fight/lead my mission

7. Love those who impact my life

8. Talk to strangers on airplanes

9. Live abroad

10. Honor my family

What have I learned from my last ten years? Surprises come often. Love is powerful. Worrying doesn't do any good. I have so much to learn. It doesn't happen unless you tell someone or write it down. I am often foolish, more than I would like to be. Good friends see the bad and the good, and love you anyways. I need to have more adventures. I am darn lucky and blessed.

Jess Berry Quote of The Day!

Happiness consists in activity. It is a running stream, not a stagnant pool.

Oliver Wendell Holmes

All About Perspective!

Jess Berry Quote of The Day!

These realities are that God loves us and, loving us, has placed us here to cope with challenges which he will place before us. I'm not sure we can always understand the implications of his love, because his love will call us at times to do things we may wonder about, and we may be confronted with circumstances we would rather not face. I believe with all my heart that because God loves us there are some particularized challenges that he will deliver to each of us. He will customize the curriculum for each of us in order to teach us the things we most need to know. He will set before us in life what we need, not always what we like. And this will require us to accept with all our hearts--particularly your generation--the truth that there is divine design in each of our lives and that you have rendezvous to keep, individually and collectively.

Elder Maxwell

Find complete speech here.

Jess Berry Quote of The Day!

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

Oscar Wilde

Jess Berry Quote of The Day!

Only the shallow know themselves.

Oscar Wilde

Jess Berry Candy

Last week RM compared my sass and sweetness to Lemonheads, see previous post. KT immediately countered and found the "Jess Berry candy". Above is a picture of the candy version of Jess Berry. Below is an email from KT on The Jess Berry Candy.

Jess,

Per our phone conversation last night, I just want to prepare you for the experience of eating Jess Berry flavored candy.
When you first taste it, you may be a little overwhelmed by the intense sweetness and tartness of the flavor. You may not be sure if you even like it, but I promise you that you will quickly become addicted.
Even if you don't like the flavor, which won't offend me, trust me when I say this candy is beautiful to look at. It really is the perfect candy.

Love,

KT

Sounds like Jess Berry in my humble, expert opinion. ;)

Jess Berry Quote of The Day!

I have spoken . . . of heavenly help, of angels dispatched to bless us in time of need. But when we speak of those who are instruments in the hand of God, we are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with—here, now, every day. Some of them reside in our own neighborhoods. Some of them gave birth to us, and in my case, one of them consented to marry me. Indeed heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind.

Jeffrey R. Holland, "The Ministry of Angels," Ensign, Nov. 2008, 30

How Is Your Life?

Post Secret

Court-side seats + Alphabet Date with DR + JH for a Quarter = AMAZING NIGHT!

Most Mondays never start out wonderful. Most Mondays are barely manageable. Most Mondays are days we seek to forget. Most Mondays this Monday was NOT!



Bro Branson emailed early that morning saying he had two Warriors tickets. JN was on the list so I immediately emailed JN and said: We both are entering the lotto and we are going together. I can make such demands of JN, we have such a friendship. I won the lotto! JN found out that he couldn't come because of work but told Bro. Branson that if he won he wanted the tickets to go to Jess (what a sweetheart). Not until JN told me did I realize these weren't just good seats...but COURT-SIDE tickets!

Deciding this would be a perfect opportunity to employ the Alphabet Date, please see previous post, the search for one lucky date began. I figured since I am a J and that JN was going to go that I'd start with the Js. JM had to decline (apparently in grad school they have research papers and deadlines, who knew). JF said thanks but he already had a ticket to go (I forgot to tell him that they were court-side). JH said that he already offered to pickup an investigator for FHE otherwise he would. I dangled the temptation for a few minutes but in the end righteous obligation won out (my respect increased right there and then).

That rounded off the Js. At this point I was thinking "does court-side tickets mean anything these days?". Was I to go up or down in the alphabet? With the anticipation of court-side seats looming I decided that I would go down and use my gchat list as my reference and the criteria was that they must appreciate the opportunity. DR was next on the list. Luckily for DR he had done his homework and read the Alphabet date post and immediately asked if it was his turn in the alphabet. My response: Yes! He said definitely yes. JH pinged me 5 minutes later saying said investigator was moving that night instead so he was free but court-side tickets go fast ya know. Later that day, JH pinged me saying he was going to the game with DR's roommates (they ended up with an extra ticket (DR's ticket....hmmmm....imagine that), JH being slighted two times in one day. DR did let JH have a quarter court-side with me, only fair to JH.

Sitting court-side was AMAZING! We are talking incredibly awe-struck at moments. I am a rather petite person to begin with, then place me next to 7 foot giant, Duncan, and I appear to be a tiny toddler. Tony Parker is so graceful on the court and I don't even like the Spurs but have to admit to this fact. Pretty sure that DR and I had Christmas perma-grins on all evening, even with the Spurs KILLING the Warriors. The court-side morning afterglow is refreshing and sweet! Thank you Bro Branson...what a guy!


DR was an excellent alphabet date, I highly recommend the letter "D". 1. He told me at the beginning that he would be the best alphabet date yet. It was good that he set the expectation. I believe in setting expectations and then working to meet them. 2. He fed me ice cream and DP on our way to the game (oh yes that is right...sweeten up the girl at the beginning and she'll be charming all night...please take note). 3. He made it clear that while I did the asking his wallet was doing the paying for the entire evening. 4. I learned interesting "guidelines" about DR's approach to dating...priceless. 5. No awkward doorstep scene.


I think I shall like to be an alphabet girl after all.

The lucky ones...yes we are in our seats not just down posing for the picture. You see the court behind us, right?

JH was so overwhelmed with the close proximity to me...oh I mean, the players that he is rather like a deer in the headlights...classic JH look!

Jess Berry Quote of The Day!

Only the mediocre are always at their best.

Jean Giraudoux

Who Are Your Gifts?

People are always gifts-- time-appointed gifts, at that. For some amount of time, they are like a living lucky number, an I-beam, a loaf of bread, an injection of Ritalin. The thing that we need to survive and to keep going. They make us better. And then-- sometimes-- after that time is over, they leave our lives. But they don't have to. Some people we can keep, even after the initial time is over, and those relationships are what we call "enriching." Like extra sugar or yeast in a bread. More cinnamon on the roll. The parts that make life luxurious.

Reija

Jess Berry Quote of The Day!

What kind of existence can we hope for? Those who come unto Christ, repent of their sins, and live in faith will reside forever in peace. Think of the worth of this eternal gift. Surrounded by those we love, we will know the meaning of ultimate joy as we progress in knowledge and in happiness. No matter how bleak the chapter of our lives may look today, because of the life and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, we may hope and be assured that the ending of the book of our lives will exceed our grandest expectations. 'Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him' (1 Corinthians 2:9).

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "The Infinite Power of Hope," Ensign, Nov. 2008, 22–23

Jess Berry Quote of The Day!

Motivation alone is not enough. If you have an idiot and you motivate him, now you have a motivated idiot.

Unknown

The Perfect Saturday

Saturday started @ 7am with a trip to the temple to perform ordinances for family names followed by an afternoon at the ballpark. The temple is always a great way to start your day! We had great seats (thanks again Rach!), J.Monson brought seeds, the sun was shining (I'm a little red this morning), and the smell of hot dogs were in the air. The only thing of course that would have made it more perfect is if we were watching the Yankees (August baby!). All in all, Jack Berry I know would have been proud of my time well spent yesterday!

Your Sunday Will Come - Happy Easter!

President Spencer W. Kimball amplified this when he said, “I am sure that if we can imagine ourselves at our very best, physically, mentally, spiritually, that is the way we will come back.”3

When we are resurrected, “this mortal body is raised to an immortal body. … [We] can die no more.”4

Can you imagine that? Life at our prime? Never sick, never in pain, never burdened by the ills that so often beset us in mortality?

The Resurrection is at the core of our beliefs as Christians. Without it, our faith is meaningless. The Apostle Paul said, “If Christ be not risen, then is our preaching vain, and [our] faith is also vain.”5

In all the history of the world there have been many great and wise souls, many of whom claimed special knowledge of God. But when the Savior rose from the tomb, He did something no one had ever done. He did something no one else could do. He broke the bonds of death, not only for Himself but for all who have ever lived—the just and the unjust.6

When Christ rose from the grave, becoming the firstfruits of the Resurrection, He made that gift available to all. And with that sublime act, He softened the devastating, consuming sorrow that gnaws at the souls of those who have lost precious loved ones.

I think of how dark that Friday was when Christ was lifted up on the cross.

On that terrible Friday the earth shook and grew dark. Frightful storms lashed at the earth.

Those evil men who sought His life rejoiced. Now that Jesus was no more, surely those who followed Him would disperse. On that day they stood triumphant.

On that day the veil of the temple was rent in twain.

Mary Magdalene and Mary, the mother of Jesus, were both overcome with grief and despair. The superb man they had loved and honored hung lifeless upon the cross.

On that Friday the Apostles were devastated. Jesus, their Savior—the man who had walked on water and raised the dead—was Himself at the mercy of wicked men. They watched helplessly as He was overcome by His enemies.

On that Friday the Savior of mankind was humiliated and bruised, abused and reviled.

It was a Friday filled with devastating, consuming sorrow that gnawed at the souls of those who loved and honored the Son of God.

I think that of all the days since the beginning of this world’s history, that Friday was the darkest.

But the doom of that day did not endure.

The despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst the bonds of death. He ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously triumphant as the Savior of all mankind.

And in an instant the eyes that had been filled with ever-flowing tears dried. The lips that had whispered prayers of distress and grief now filled the air with wondrous praise, for Jesus the Christ, the Son of the living God, stood before them as the firstfruits of the Resurrection, the proof that death is merely the beginning of a new and wondrous existence.

Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come.

"Sunday Will Come" By Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

To view the whole message:

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=0af888f17feae010VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1

Support Team Hydro!

Read about what Team Hydro does and why they do what they do! Definitely worth the read!

http://teamhydro.blogs.gabrielslife.org/2009/04/09/what-we-do-and-why-we-do-it/

Jess Berry Quote of The Day!

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

Viktor Frankl

Flashback: The squirrel bit me, I’ve got rabies!

Tagging along in the gas truck was the best way my Dad could watch us kids as we grew up. One particular day Matt and I joined Dad on a gas order out to Garry Jardine’s farm. While Dad was unloading the fuel and chatting with Garry, Matt and I went squirrel hunting. We were probably 100-200 yards away in a field. There was a squirrel in the sprinkler pipe. Matt told me to go to one end of the pipe so the squirrel wouldn’t get out and he went to the other end of the pipe with the BB gun. Now anyone that is smarter than two kids eight and ten years old, respectively, is realizing that there is trouble coming. Yes, Matt shot the BB gun into the pipe from his end and the squirrel ran out across my foot. Ironically at the same time I felt this pain in my leg, looked down and blood was gushing out of my lower leg. That squirrel had bitten me! At least that is what my eight year old self thought, the only obvious conclusion. I started screaming: The squirrel bit me, I’ve got rabies! Immediately Matt started running to the house to get my Dad and Garry screaming the same sentiment. This was in the pre-cell phone days, so Marlene Jardine phoned my Mom telling her that I’d been bitten by a squirrel and that we were on our way home, I am sure my Mom was just as perplexed as the rest of us. The whole way home I remember through muddled crying saying: The squirrel bit me, I’ve got rabies! Once home, Nurse Berry cleaned and examined the “bite” only to feel a round ball in my leg. I can still hear Mom saying in that “you are so in trouble I am using your full name” tone: Matthew, did you know you shoot your sister. I’ll be honest, not until that very moment had the thought even crossed my mind that I had been shot. Come on, I was eight and already foolish enough to stand at one end of a sprinkler pipe while my brother shot a gun through the other end so is it really that surprising I’d think that a squirrel bit me in a split second? Matt denied it. Of course my parents at first thought Matt had talked me into lying but while I was quite the dramatic actor when it benefited me as a child I honestly thought a squirrel had bitten me. After a trip to the emergency room and seven people holding me down (I can still remember Susan Sorensen trying to distract me with her button necklace while they were simply trying to numb the area around the wound…yes I am deathly afraid of needles) the BB was removed and now on my right lower leg I have two small scars; the entrance wound and the exit wound or as we joke the marks of one awfully large squirrel bite. Not until one night after Matt and I were both adult and reminiscing over the story did Matt come clean that he knew all along that he had shot me but was too scared to come cleaned to Dad. I’d like to also note that here that getting shot with the BB gun and shooting with the BB gun runs in the Berry family. Kelly Hansen shot Dad in the backside as kids and it is still up in the air who shot their cousin Brent in the eye with the BB gun, Dad or Uncle Rich. Moral of the story: Odds are good you’ll get shot with the BB gun if you hang around the Berry clan long enough.

Jess Berry Quote of The Day!

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.

Mark Twain

Gchat with Emily Tanner...Enough Said

Emily: there are only 2 awesome people in this world

JB and KT

:-)

Jess Berry Quote of The Day!

Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.

Confucius

Guest Blogger Reija: THE ALPHABET DATE

THE ALPHABET DATE
by Reija

Most all of you, I imagine, have been on an alphabet date, but may not have recognized it for its true self. Maybe you liked the boy and mistook it as a DATE. Or you didn't like him at all and worried too much that it was a DATE. After reading this entry, you will no longer find yourself in the dark, will be able to appropriately label these dates, and thus will enjoy them as they are meant to be enjoyed. If you remember nothing else, remember that an alphabet date should not be dismissed, but embraced.

WHAT IS AN ALPHABET DATE?

An alphabet date is a date that you go on because it is your turn in the alphabet.

Your participation in the date is independent (mostly, but not entirely, esp. if the date is with a boy) of your relative beauty, charm, and wit and more dependent on your gender, accessibility, and place in the boy's cell phone list (most cell phones are alphabetical.)

HOW DO I RECOGNIZE AN ALPHABET DATER?

There are many ways that you can recognize an alphabet dater.The boy who takes you on the date goes on many, many casual dates. He usually likes girls, likes the company of girls, and doesn't mind shelling out a few bucks each weekend to buy some time with them. He usually has a couple of good guy friends who like girls too, and they usually double up in spending time with each other and with a girl in the form of dates. His taking girls on dates is a good sign, actually, because it shows that he doesn't take their time totally for granted and is willing to go through unnecessary burdens like planning activities, cleaning his car, and combing his hair for the privilege of seeing them.

He talks to a wide variety of girls, but isn't necessarily a flirt. Unlike total flirts, he's usually wary of making any one girl feel like she's too special. He usually doesn't think he's too special. The alphabet dater is always polite, dresses well but modestly, and usually doesn't flip through his iPhone in public. An alphabet dater will also hold the door open for you and all of your roommates and the girls walking ten steps behind you. He will smell clean and let you control the radio.

HOW DO I KNOW I AM ON AN ALPHABET DATE?

Most likely you are going on an alphabet date if you get asked out the next weekend by the same boy who took your roommate/best friend/other girl in the ward out last week. Also, if you're doing something that is casual and cheap, it shows that the boy knows how to have fun but isn't shelling out the big bucks for you. The date might be a little bit shorter, and at least 2 out of every 3 times will involve other couples. If it's just the two of you, it might only be a weeknight dinner or jaunt to Pluto's. Occasionally it might involve doing something nicer, particularly if the nicer activity is something boy thinks that you will enjoy. This can be confusing and lead you to think that it is a DATE. However, if the boy is a very nice boy who appreciates a lot of different things, he might take you to a baseball game (if you are Jess Berry) or to a cello concert (if you are Reija, who also likes baseball games, just for the record.) It's still an alphabet date, not a DATE, but does allow you to think about the boy with increasing fondness and feelings of friendship since he is being courteous and thoughtful of you.

One very telling sign you are on an alphabet date if you are Jess Berry is if the other girl on your double date is Jes Deputy.

WHAT ARE THE CONS OF THESE ALPHABET DATES?

He probably doesn't like you-- at least all that much. Meaning, he isn't in love with you already. So if you get asked on an alphabet date by the hunk of your life, that can be a bit devastating. But stop being so down! At least you get to look at him for an hour anyway! Also, the food isn't always amazing, and sometimes you have to play silly games. Chances are you will only get a side hug at best when it is all over. And you certainly won't be special the next Sunday in Relief Society-- half the other girls have already been out with him too.

THAT SOUNDS GLOOMY. TELL ME ABOUT THE PROS OF THE ALPHABET DATE.

He likes you enough to spend at least a few hours with you-- and that's actually a compliment. Also, he'll probably pay a few bucks for that, and the food will save you from paying for dinner or doing lots of dishes. And he's had lots of practice dating, so he's likely to give a few nice compliments and treat you politely and open your doors and let you handle the radio (see above) and otherwise handle himself without making huge dating snafus. The other couple is usually fun-- most likely the other girl on the date is someone you like-- so the overall air is relaxed and jovial. You don't have to waste lots of time thinking about what you look like or say, and can thus be maximally naturally charming, which ironically could def. lead to DATES if you are lucky (though you can't get your hopes up, he goes out with lots of charming girls.) No awkward doorstep scene, and you'll get home in time to get a good night's sleep. Also, you'll have a story to swap next time his name comes up in your group of friends. Nothing is worse than being the ONLY girl the alphabet boy has never asked out. Then you just feel lame.

GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE OF AN ALPHABET DATE.

My latest adventure with the alphabet date was a model of the paradigm. Prior to asking me out, J. had asked A. (my roommate) and R.-- two other charming girls in the ward-- out on Friday night dates. So when he asked me out, I was politely charmed but had no expectations. We ended up going to the temple for a session together prior to our date-- which is NOT typical of the alphabet date-- but he was politely conversational, opened my doors, made sure the car was warm, and was nicely attentive. On our actual date, we made dinner with C. & M., a couple I love dearly. I fried the vegetables for shrimp scampi while he made cheesecakes and C. & M. chopped fresh vegetables. We all four talked, but he talked more to me then them. Afterwards we did dishes and then went to see Marley & Me, during which he sat by me and made a few snarky comments. When he drove me home, I said thanks! I had a great time! and then hopped out of the car and he waited until I unlocked the door and went inside. Total time commitment: 5-ish hours (for dinner + movie). Dinner: Good and filling, with dessert. Company: Awesome. Overall grade on date: A- (I have to reserve A's for people I have a crush on, so an A- is the top score for an alphabet date.) And the next day in church, my date talked to me naturally. Way to go, J., alphabet date champion!

WHY DO YOU RECOMMEND THE ALPHABET DATE SO HIGHLY?

Personally, I am a fan of the alphabet date. In many ways, it's safer than the blind date because you have a pretty good idea of what you're going to get. Not as exciting, but more comfortable. And you can go on as many alphabet dates as you like with the same boy-- you're not limited to just three!-- as long as they are spaced apart comfortably.

Of course, I'm in the middle of the alphabet, which makes me a prime target for alphabet dates. I get people who start from the beginning, end, and middle of the alphabet. And my number has that familiar 801- prefix so it's less intimidating to dial (I think).

Also, if you are an alphabet girl, you can act like the alphabet boy! Meaning you can talk to lots of different boys without worrying about sending mixed signals, and that means lots more laughs at church having entertaining conversations. You can dress prettily, but not freak out about your hair or makeup. And if boys aren't trying to hold your hand on alphabet dates or kiss you, you don't have to worry about wearing lotion all the time, sweating too much, having onions on your Counter Burger, or brushing your teeth. Ok, maybe brushing your teeth. Maybe that's why I like it. Because I'm secretly just an alphabet girl at heart.

That is, until Prince Charming comes along. Let's be real. As much as we all love and hail the alphabet date, what we'd really like is a man to go on DATES with... because for most of us, alphabet dates never involve kissing. And really, that's kind of what dating is for, right? RIGHT.

Jess Berry Quote of The Day!

I like not only to be loved, but to be told I am loved.

George Eliot

Why I Heart RM.....

"Jess Berry. I cannot call you JB, although I know that JB you are. I think it is because I like the roundness of Jess Berry. The one syllable followed by the two. The way Jess encapsulates your sass, and the Berry your sweetness. If you were a candy, maybe you would be a lemonhead."

RM

(First first-hand guest quote)

My Favorite Face!

I love that Averina has this face...not many people get to watch themselves as a child. ;) From my sister-in-law's blog (proof that Avery is even more like her Jessa for better or worse):

"Sundays are the worst. I want her to wear a normal dress and she wants to wear some dress up costume, pants or her sneakers with her dress. The other day we went shopping and she wore striped tights a skirt, a striped shirt, a striped jacket and striped shoes. It did not match at all." She'll still not match decades later...proof: I probably will be wearing a pink duster for Easter dinner. Hehe....

Jess Berry Quote of The Day!

I never fall apart because I never quite fall together.

Andy Warhol

Jess Berry Quote of The Day!

That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons that History has to teach.

Aldous Huxley

Jess Berry Quote of the Day!

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Mark Twain

Jess Berry Quote of the Day!

A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes.

Robert Frost

My Visitors In The Bay

Last week was full of visitors! My two uncles were in town (Jeff not pictured) and my good friend Tiff. It was great seeing all three of them. I was itching for some home and it definitely came in the form of these three. T.Hammer was in town for a wedding. Jeff was in town for a PA conference and Jed (yes the YOUNG guy is my uncle) was in town for a Podiatry Med school basketball tournament played up in the city (obviously he's not working hard enough in med school). ;)

Jed Fred's team took "POD" State....oh I mean first place in the tournament. We had to get a picture of him with the trophy...mostly so Ava could see. ;)
Jed Fred and I. As Em (Jed's wife) put it: You look great - Jed looks like a monster next to you!

Jed Fred trying to mall me with his sweaty self...not funny! I still love ya though!

The proud team! Now mostly for your Erickson siblings and anyone else that knows Jed's history and the Erickson temper (that they all have). ;) He was pretty well behaved. He only let his temper flare a few minimal times with the referees, so proud. No punching cement walls, no broken hands, noses, only a very very sore Jed Fred. It's a good thing too, I just didn't have the cash on hand to bail this one out of jail had it gotten out of hand. Jed told me not mention this but I never promised. By the championship game Jed was sooooo tired and worn out he had to take himself out of the game. All that age is finally catching up to you old man! ;)

T. Hammer and I on the Golden Gate Bridge! As you can see from our faces...and my choice of outfit (outfit as in clothing section not the vehicle I drove for the Idahoans that are confused by the lingo) for the day...a very BRIGHT day in the city.

T.Hammer in front of the bridge. Thanks for coming Tiff! I always have a great time with you. Love you and our friendship!